ANDREW - I wont hold back, ill let it all go

The name I had been waiting for appeared on my contact list, the flickering words sent a concentrated tingle that ran the length of my spine. I closed my eyes and lifted my head towards the ceiling and exhaled. For the past few days my only means of connection to the outside world was SMSfun, 5 free txts per day was nowhere near my usual amount and as such as was as inquisitive as a boy on red cordial. I missed her, even though we were only friends and that was fact. It had been weeks since I last looked upon her brilliant smile, revealing sparkling mcleans teeth that glistened under the sunlight. To be honest I dont remember how the conversation meadered like the amazonian river into uncharted territory, but somehow i had navigated my boat into a small creek that showed the destruction of the beautiful jungle, something I had partially foreseen but not to the extent which I was not staring into.

'and thats why I don't like to open up'

Her words echoed in my ears as they would in a vast empty cavern. Never in my wildest dreams did I know the severity of her depression. This was the dark side of the moon, the side nobody sees, the side that was hidden.

'I've done it before, I can do it again. Ill just hide my emotions behind a smile'

My heart drilled against the cavity of my chest seeking escape. I could feel the blood rise to my head as my fuse gradually burned shorter. I urged her to try and change but to no avail, it killed me to see her sad. My lit fuse finally hit the end of its journey.

'I dont even know why I bother with you'

'Fine, I'll leave you alone'

I instantly knew that I had crossed the invisable line, I was trying to sweep a minefield only to be its victim. The words must've etched itself deep into her heart igniting tremendous pain, and with that she logged off. My mind collapsed, for the first time in months I was afraid of something. Afraid that I would lose her. I scrambled to smsfun.com.au in my panic almost forgot my login details. 'Thank god it was four in the morning' I told myself, a new day meant rejouvenated daily text allowance. I began to type.

'It's because I care about you more than you care about yourself, im sorry, I just dont want to see you sad.'

'Why do you care? havn't I disappointed you enough already'

That was a good question, why did I care? I searched my mind for answers and a brief moment felt an eternity as my mind mathematically eliminated possible reasons. Soon I began to txt her yet again.

'You dont disappoint me ... I was just annoyed that you didn't care. Ok, im over holding my emotions back.....'

The familiar name on 'appear offline' began to flash on my task bar. I stared at the screen like I had just diverted a tsunami. Once again she asked.

'Why do you care?'

'I dunno, I especially care about you...'

'I want you so much right now'

'I want you too'

At that moment nuthing else mattered. Just knowing that we had eachother at that moment was enough reason to smile.