ANDREW - I wont hold back, ill let it all go

The name I had been waiting for appeared on my contact list, the flickering words sent a concentrated tingle that ran the length of my spine. I closed my eyes and lifted my head towards the ceiling and exhaled. For the past few days my only means of connection to the outside world was SMSfun, 5 free txts per day was nowhere near my usual amount and as such as was as inquisitive as a boy on red cordial. I missed her, even though we were only friends and that was fact. It had been weeks since I last looked upon her brilliant smile, revealing sparkling mcleans teeth that glistened under the sunlight. To be honest I dont remember how the conversation meadered like the amazonian river into uncharted territory, but somehow i had navigated my boat into a small creek that showed the destruction of the beautiful jungle, something I had partially foreseen but not to the extent which I was not staring into.

'and thats why I don't like to open up'

Her words echoed in my ears as they would in a vast empty cavern. Never in my wildest dreams did I know the severity of her depression. This was the dark side of the moon, the side nobody sees, the side that was hidden.

'I've done it before, I can do it again. Ill just hide my emotions behind a smile'

My heart drilled against the cavity of my chest seeking escape. I could feel the blood rise to my head as my fuse gradually burned shorter. I urged her to try and change but to no avail, it killed me to see her sad. My lit fuse finally hit the end of its journey.

'I dont even know why I bother with you'

'Fine, I'll leave you alone'

I instantly knew that I had crossed the invisable line, I was trying to sweep a minefield only to be its victim. The words must've etched itself deep into her heart igniting tremendous pain, and with that she logged off. My mind collapsed, for the first time in months I was afraid of something. Afraid that I would lose her. I scrambled to smsfun.com.au in my panic almost forgot my login details. 'Thank god it was four in the morning' I told myself, a new day meant rejouvenated daily text allowance. I began to type.

'It's because I care about you more than you care about yourself, im sorry, I just dont want to see you sad.'

'Why do you care? havn't I disappointed you enough already'

That was a good question, why did I care? I searched my mind for answers and a brief moment felt an eternity as my mind mathematically eliminated possible reasons. Soon I began to txt her yet again.

'You dont disappoint me ... I was just annoyed that you didn't care. Ok, im over holding my emotions back.....'

The familiar name on 'appear offline' began to flash on my task bar. I stared at the screen like I had just diverted a tsunami. Once again she asked.

'Why do you care?'

'I dunno, I especially care about you...'

'I want you so much right now'

'I want you too'

At that moment nuthing else mattered. Just knowing that we had eachother at that moment was enough reason to smile.

ANDREW: one day im going to write a book xDDD

Once again I awoke abruptly from my slumber to the bellowing howls of the mother echoing up the spiral staircase and resonating in my ear canal. My nocturnal lifestyle brought on by the fading senior years was unwelcomed in this household and as such i was tortured every morning. Yet today it was different, we were going on a picnic and I wasnt the least bit excited. I would be wasting my time in the middle of nowhere with an excess of ten authentic products of asia. I peered out of the window, light whisps of cirius clouds high above the Earth brushed aside to make way for the sun, venting its rays like a golden phoenix sweeping across the land threatening shadows to exist. I rolled up my sleeve and glanced at my citizen watch, the highly polished needles circled the pivotal centre like three stars glistening under the glass. By reading the constellations on my watch I determined the time to be 8:30. and u know wat....i cbf writing about this stuff no more. just the descriptions were good. mayb one day ill write a book or sumthing.

Andrew

Conscience or Emotion, Regret or Love

The name is perhaps decieving....there was no water to be seen besides the once vibrant stream, now a dam that existed as a desolate wasteland. Resurfacing trolleys; a tangled wreck of steel and wire. They are artifacts that represent the backstreets behind the concrete facade, supposedly a garden. Thus, there was barely any water and even less of a garden.

___________________________

We walked out of the subway and along the boardwalk that was riddled with garbage from nearby take away outlets. Alongside the wooden footholds sat an almost empty stream, it was a miracle if you could find any aquatic life in the still and murky water other than the foaming algae. The weather was cool and the slight breeze felt comfortable as it passed in between my skin and my cotton shirt collecting lynx fragrance on its way out to continue its wayward journey. Today, the sun gave way to the fluffy cumulous clouds that stretched infinitely over the horizon only peeking through the odd gaps every now and than. Regardless, the light radiating from the fiery orb still managed to reach the Earth by illuminating the heavans above.

My airways tickled as I inhaled a copius amount of cool air that passed through my nostrils and deep into my lungs. I held my breath for only a brief moment but it seemed an eternity as my mind processed thousands, perhaps millions of thoughts simultaneously. My heart rate was higher than usual, erratic and unsteady. The result of an abundance of adrenaline flowing through my veins, hairs on the back of my neck were armed and ready to erect if need be. I was on edge, and for once that wasnt because of family. It was because of the thing that stood in front of me eating a macadamia cookie. I was looking straight into her bright hazel eyes, the feeling was electric and sent produced convulsions that rippled through my my mind. I turned my head slowly back out at the stream and exhaled slowly.

I heard the frequency of her footsteps increase dramatically as she broke into a power walk to be by my side. As I predicted the follicles on my neck stood up. I wheeled around and scanned the environment as a sentry would. During this process I heard something that I understood as 'I wanna go'. She seemed uneasy and I didnt understand why although she read me easily from the look of chagrin on my face. She gazed into the near distance at a small group of birds. No more than ten. The flock was composed primarily of seagulls and the odd crow perched on the banisters about 15 metres away. The sound of their calls were just audible when I blocked out the background noise.

'crows scare me'

It was hard to believe that something so delicate had me alert and ready. I chuckled at the insight and I felt my muscles relax. I could see the look of embarrassement as her face flushed momentarily. I tilted my head slightly and smiled. As the twinkling faded we disappeared back into the concrete jungle.

Perhaps it was at that moment where I let my emotion not conscience be the predominant force in my mind. I hope i dont regret that.

KATE:

My body shudders, aching as the deep cold permeates my body and chills me to the bone. This room in which I currently reside is so vast, so cavernous I feel comparably little more than an ant. The atmosphere is primarily dependant on lighting. When the sun is feeling particularly generous, it will share its rays, warming my soul and creating a striking ambience throughout the room; fleeting moments of bliss that wash over me like summer rain. But bereft of sunlight, the room is dank and controlled by an energy that saps all the strength out of me. Sometimes I fight it and bargain with the sun for more warmth, but mostly the tenebrosity devours me.
Clumps of sticky words evoked by darkness, string together and stretch into giant webs across the length of the room. Highly adhesive and magnetising, it’s all too easy to become the victim of the web. Threatening words blare from the sticky ropes of letters. They ooze out of the webs and circle my body like tendrils of smoke.
Failure.

Disappointment.

Worthless.

Nobody.


Sometimes I get so trapped that the words embed themselves on my chest, scars that have not yet healed; red letters stark against the translucent white of my skin. Exhausted, I slump against the wall, stained with colours of the past and etched with dreams long forgotten.
Opposite the room, I catch my reflection in a fractured mirror, cracks running through the glass like veins. Next to it, sits a television set resonating with garbled static. I make my way closer to the mirror, a hypnotic beat pounding in my head. Somewhere, an invisible clock ticks incessantly, contrasting with obscured frequencies emitted from the television. I stop half a metre away from the mirror, shards of glass underfoot, and carefully study the many fragments of myself. One part of my face glows luminescent with ethereal quality. My eyes skim over my chest where my heart lies, scarred and mutated, bleeding profusely. A shudder runs the length of my body and the connection is broken. I find myself strangely empty and the pounding in my head fades away.
It takes all my strength to drag my desiccated bones to the edge of an unfathomably deep body of water. The ceiling is reflective in the glassy surface, allowing me to see the harsh black cages that hang from the ceiling, wielded from twisted metal and slightly distorted by the ripples.
The water is shot through with subtle rainbows and stars that shimmer and sparkle with mystery and breathtaking beauty. It is the one thing in this place that rejuvenates my energy, which is then just as quickly drained like colours seeping from a canvas. I straighten my slender frame and neatly dive into the water, slicing through the lucid surface, spreading thousands of glittering stars from my point of entry. Here, I finally feel alive, like a breath of new life. I revel in the peace that the water brings. Still, I am alone, but now I bask in the solitude rather than draw detachment from it. I glide seamlessly through the liquid, a Piscean creature of spirit, until I have reached the bottom.
I trick my mind and tell myself I don’t have to return. I lay on the sandy floor, the grains pleasantly rough against my skin, my hair floating boundlessly in wisps around my face, and I wish that I could stay here forever more.

But the ticking clock and the broken mirror and the luring webs of words and the callous taloned cages beckon to my body.



Never forever more.

Andrew - "Three Elements"

All too often i feel as though my life is like an empty barrel, surrounded by a everlasting yet eternal dark abyss. Vicous columns of paint materialise from thin air and begin the fill the barrel. Like water from a running faucet the column start thick and begin to thin as the 3 colours impact at their destination and refuse to settle. The racing mixture swirls creating chaotic yet beautiful vibrant patterns. The outcome is unknown, but what is known is that there are three incredible, no, perhaps unstoppable forces that are trying to fill this barrel. And all to often i close the lid on the barrel, afraid of the patterns within and what they portay. Maybe one day someone will open that lid for me, and tell me who i am.